Song of the Sontarans
by Dalekbuster523
Summary: Sarah Jane and two Sontarans form a band out of the blue. But what has caused Sarah Jane to change her mind about singing? Why does she suddenly want to be a singer? And why are two Sontarans more interested in singing than war? It's up to the Bannerman road gang and two incarnations of the Doctor to find out before it's too late...
1. Chapter 1: Fight me maybe

Sarah ran down the corridor as fast as her legs would take her, a huge ball of fire erupting down the corridor after her. Thinking quickly, she spotted a door to the left and flung it open to reveal a large office. Dozens of people sat at desks, typing away and looking at their computer screens in boredom, oblivious to the fire chasing Sarah past. She reached the other end of the office and opened the door straight ahead. Two Sontarans stood there, brandishing their weapons directly at her.

"I'll,er…just run down here a bit if you don't mind." She said, nervously glancing at the fire behind her.

It was only a few centimetres away.

"You will come with us, human." The Sontaran to the left ordered.

Sarah slowly held up both her hands in surrender and reluctantly followed, the fire following them.

"Just let me trap this asgradanian fire first. If we allow it to continue following me, we'll be dead in a matter of seconds."

"You may fire at will."

The other Sontaran fired with joy at the fire, but it only caused the flames to increase.

"No, not you, you plonker. The famous Sarah Jane Smith."

Sarah turned around and swung her sonic lipstick forward, desperately pressing her button. The end glowed and the fire evaporated before them.

"Now, where were we? Oh yes. Take me to your ship."

* * *

**A week later….**

Luke was sat on a chair on the attic, in front of Mr Smith. He hadn't seen his mum in ages. Or it felt like ages, but it was only actually a week. The last time he'd seen her was last Sunday, to be exact. She had taken her new band around to their house and introduced him to commander Draxx and his friend Laxx. They were from a special clone group of Sontarans who were bred to sing rather than fight in wars. Luke had felt there was something strange about this, though, because when it was mentioned, Mr Smith told them that all Sontarans were bred for war and there was absolutely no way they could be any different. Then there was the fact that Sarah was never interested in singing before now. Nevertheless, it had made her mother happier than ever and she'd had quite a bit of success, so it didn't really matter.

Luke had told Mr Smith to play BBC Radio 1. The number 1 single in the top 40 was due to be announced. Sarah Jane and the Sontarans(their band name) had already put a single together. Luke waited anxiously for it to be announced, his fingers crossed, hoping against hope to hear his mum's song and band read out.

"And in NO1 this week is 'Fight me maybe' by 'Sarah Jane and the Sontarans'" announced Reggie Yates's voice and Luke grinned as his mum's song began to play.

I declared a war on the Hell,

Don't mercy me, I'll never surrender

I shouted to you as I fell,

And now you're in my warzone

I'd trade my life for a win,

Planets and clones for a battle

I wasn't looking for defeat,

But now you're in my warzone

Your win was embarrasin',

Heart, Other heart was Beatin'

Long battle, TARDIS was vworpin'

Where you think you're going, Timelord?

Hey, I just fought you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,

At you Timelord,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

Hey, I just fought you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

And all the other Doctors,

Try to stop me,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

You took your time with the fight,

I took no time with the fall

You gave me no win at all,

But still, you're in my warzone

I shoot, and fight and kneel

Have poor sight and it's real

I didn't know I would lose it,

But you're in my warzone

Your win was embarrasin',

Heart, Other heart was beatin'

Long battle,TARDIS was vworpin'

Where you think you're going, Timelord?

Hey, I just fought you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,

At you Timelord,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

Hey, I just fought you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

And all the other Doctors,

Try to stop me,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

Before you came into my war

I hated you so bad

I hated you so bad

I hated you so, so bad

Before you came into my war

I hated you so bad

And you should know that

I hated you so, so bad

It's hard to look right,

At you Timelord,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

Hey, I just fought you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

And all the other Doctors,

Try to stop me,

But here's my weapon,

So fight me, maybe?

Before you came into my war

I hated you so bad

I hated you so bad

I hated you so, so bad

Before you came into my war

I hated you so bad

And you should know that

So fight me, maybe?

Luke thought it weird to hear his mum sing a song against the Doctor. He guessed the Sontarans must be on song writing duty. Although, he couldn't imagine why a Sontaran would write a song….

* * *

Rani choked out her tea when she heard Sarah Jane's new song on the radio. Why was she singing a song about fighting the Doctor on a battlefield? She wondered. Then she remembered the Sontarans were in the band too. She sighed. She just hoped the Doctor didn't take it the wrong way. Presuming he knew. Rani glanced up at the clock. Just after six. She had time to see Luke. Rani sipped down her cup of tea, placed the mug down on the kitchen surface and ran outside.

* * *

Luke heard a knock at the door. He opened it. It was Rani.

"Hey! Congratulations! Your mum is famous!" Rani said with enthusiasm. "You must be so proud."  
"Yeah, I am." He said. "I never imagined for one minute that my mum would be in a well known band."

"Neither did I. Still, has to happen to someone."

"Yeah. But why my mum?"

"Well, she just got lucky, didn't she, Luke?"

"But she's never wanted to be a singer,Rani. She told me that herself."

"But that means-"

"That someone's planned this with her in mind. Someone has made her change her mind. And I'm going to find out who and why."


	2. Chapter 2: Let's cook the Sontarans

In the recording studio, the Sontarans burst into a chorus of 'Sontar ha' as they heard Reggie Yates read out their band name. Tears of joy and happiness streamed down Sarah's face, but at the same time, she felt a tinge of guilt. She'd just released a song about hating the Doctor. Worse of all, she'd done it with his enemies. She had to make it up to him somehow. She knew it. Then she thought of poor Luke, on his own, even without Sky for company. (Sky was being used as a renewable energy source for a group of aliens known as Sqrars. Their planet had run out of energy sources, so they'd come to Earth to claim some of Earth's energy instead. However, Sky had bravely volunteered to be used as energy for their planet and saved Earth from being drained dry.). Then she remembered Clyde and Rani. At least he wasn't totally on his own.

"I know the Doctor's your enemy, but I think our next song should be about something different." said Sarah. "What difference will singing about him make anyway? He'll still defeat your people, no matter how many times you try to successfully invade."

"You will shut up, Earth scum, or your precious friend the Doctor will be the last thing you'll worry about." Draxx snarled.

"And what's that supposed to be mean? Because deep down, I think you're scared."

"Sonatarans never have such an inferior weakness. Unless you count that time we were put into an oven and left to bake for twenty minutes."

"Why don't we sing about that instead? Why can't our songs be fun and thrilling, instead of full of hatred for your enemies on the battlefield?"

"Alright, Sarah Jane Smith. You have won this battle. But fear not, for we shall win the next one for the glory of chart success."

And so the three of them entered the studio and began to sing:

**SONTARANS**

It's annoying, Sontarans are cooking

Mistaken identity takes its toll

But look closely, not for very much longer

I've got to keep plan B

**SARAH**

I remember seeing the baked potatoes

During those moments when

The madness would engross me and lunch would be calling

Let's cook the Sontarans again...

Let's cook the Sontarans again!

It's just a hit to the probic vent

And maybe a place in the oven

With your hands in your oven gloves

You bring your bravery in tight

But it's the recession that really drives you insane,

Let's defeat the Sontarans again!

**SONTARANS**

It's so face palm-y, oh Sontar glory me

So you can't cook me, no not at all

In another universe, with parallel intention

Well-secluded, I win all

With a bit of a shooting

You're there in the warrior race

And nothing can ever be the same

You're nearly baked out on oven tray, like you're often mistaken

Let's not be defeated again!

**SARAH**

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When a potato of a guy gave me a free lunchtime deal

He held a weapon up, he took me by surprise

He had armour on and the devil's eyes.

He stared at me and I felt no fear

Money meant nothing, never would again

Let's cook the Sontarans again!

"I have a feeling Clyde will love this." Sarah said out loud.

Laxx snorted and said "I have a feeling if Kaagh's to be believed that that pathetic half human won't even understand the meaning of the lyrics."

"Oh, Clyde is much cleverer than you lot think. In fact, I'd go as far to say he's one of the cleverest people I know."

"We'll see about that, Sarah Jane."

* * *

**Two months later…**

Sarah Jane was right. Clyde did indeed love that song. Ever since it was released last week, he listened to it every day on his iPod. It was up there in his 'Top 10 cool things' list engraved in his mind. Sarah Jane must've taken tips from the comedy king, thought Clyde as he walked down the street to the train station. Ever since Sarah had left Bannerman road for stardom, Clyde had been doing various comedy gigs around the country. He felt popular. Every time he came on stage and every time he got loads of laughs. He was sure he was going to make it. He felt like a comedy genius and that was certainly how the audience saw him. Clyde was just about to enter the train station when Luke and Rani came running towards him.

"Clyde, you've got to help us work out what's going on." Pleaded Luke.

"Not another alien invasion. Not now. My career's just about to take off."

"I think it is, yes. I don't think the Sontarans want to sing with mum, Clyde. I think they're using her for some kind of grand scheme."

Clyde snorted. "If you mean waging war on the pop charts, then yes, they do have a grand scheme. Just because some Sontarans are bad doesn't mean all are, does it? Maybe they do just want to make a name for themselves?"

"Then why did Mr Smith say that was impossible?"

"I don't know. Maybe Smithy is jealous?"

"Smithy? Clyde, seriously. You're too addicted to Gavin and Stacey."

"And you're too addicted to predicting alien invasions. You've done it every day since Sarah left, Luke. Now, I've got a train to catch before my career spirals through the window."

Luke sighed. It was hopeless. How were they ever going to get Clyde's help when he was too bothered about his career rather than his mum's safety? Then Rani had a sudden idea.

"Clyde. I won't marry you if you don't help us."

"Alright, alright, I'll help. But that doesn't mean I believe you!"

* * *

Back at the attic, the trio sat together in front of Mr Smith and discussed their plan.

"Luke, do you know where Sarah Jane is?" asked Rani.

"She's at the recording studio. She told me today through Skype that she was recording some songs with the Sontarans ready for their first album." Luke said.

"Do you know where the recording studio is?" asked Clyde.

"Yeah. It's in London. She told me the exact address in case I needed to visit her. 33 Trafalgar square."

"Then what are we waiting for,Lukey boy? We need to find a way down there. I'd suggest using the train but that should've left a few minutes ago."

"If only you'd learnt to drive like I told you to." Rani sighed.

"I was going to! I just never got time. You know I'm busy with my comedy and art. I'm an upcoming artist comedian guy, remember?"

Rani rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Now's not the time for complaining about excuses."

Luke had a brainwave.

"Hang on. I can drive. I'm a genius, remember?"

* * *

Onlookers watched as a small green car diverted from left to right, wildly out of control.

Inside the car, Rani and Clyde looked at each other as they wished they were somewhere else.

"I thought you said you could drive?"

"Yeah, well, it seems even boy geniuses need to pass driving tests first."

* * *

Once they made it dangerously back to Bannerman road, nearly knocking a few people over on the way, the three of them exited the car.

"Alright, what on Earth are we going to do now?" asked Clyde. "No transport, no further to finding out if the Sontarans are up to anything and we could be done for dangerous driving. This is turning out to be a good day, isn't it?"

"Er, Clyde. Maybe we do have transport after all." said Rani, pointing towards a familiar blue box.


	3. Chapter 3: Some arenas to conquer

Rani, Clyde and Luke ran inside excitedly at the prospect of meeting the Doctor again. The 10th Doctor was checking the TARDIS scanner when he heard the footsteps of the Bannerman road gang approaching.

He spun around suddenly and said "Oh, hello! Thought I'd meet you three here. Well, I say I thought that but I actually tracked you down after hearing that song about the Sontaran in the oven. Yeah, kind of disrespecting your privacy, but at least none of you were on the toilet. That would've been awkward."

"How's it hanging, Doctor? Defeated any cool alien invasions lately?"

"What else do you think I'd have been doing, Clyde? The Macarena? Although, I did just do that with Queen Victoria in Scotland. I had to make it up to her somehow after that business with the werewolf."

"Werewolf? Wicked. I am so telling LINDA about that in the forums."

"Oh no. Please don't. No no no no no."

"I've tried to drag Clyde away from that site but he's addicted to it." Rani said.

"Honestly. You humans and your addictions." Mumbled the Doctor, frowning.

"That's not important. What's important is the Sontarans have got my mum. I think they're up to something. I think they're using her."

"Yeah, but the question is, what for? And why? I think it's time to find out."

The Doctor raced around the console, pulling every lever. Pushing every button. Operating everything in sight. The TARDIS made the usual ancient vworping sound and they set off.

* * *

"Well, that's every track for the album finished. What next?" asked Sarah Jane, stood in front of a microphone.

"Next, we declare war on the human female fanbase. We must invade every arena in the country and win this long-lasting war of the musical acts if we're to secure our dignity." Said Laxx in response.

"Oh, I don't like to think of it as a war. Why don't we call it saving the Earth with good music to combat the likes of Jedward?"

"Sontarans never save Earth. We do not approve this sudden change in our tactics." Draxx snarled. "However, we shall never call it a war again around you."

"Well, I think it's fair to say that's sorted now. I think we better decide a name for this tour, don't you?"

"How about 'The non-war related tour of war tour'?"

"Well… I suppose that's a start. I was thinking more along the lines of "The tour that's stuck in Peru'"

"That name is inferior to ours, Sarah Jane Smith. We will not clone any non-fans over to our fanbase with a name that weak."

"How about we combine the two? I say we call it 'The non-war related stuck in Peru tour?"

"We will use our tour name, Sarah Jane, or I'm afraid you'll be killed for your non-valiant efforts on finding a name strong for killing our competition."

"Alright, alright. 'Non-war related tour of war tour' it is, then."

'Excellent. We are one stop further in our plan of total music domination."

* * *

The Doctor and the Bannerman road gang left the TARDIS, to be confronted by two Sontarans coming their way.

"Oh, we were just…leaving." The Doctor said quickly. "We weren't intending to not-leave, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah it does."

"You are going nowhere, Doctor. You and your half form friends will come with us to your ultimate doom."

"That sounds strange coming from a walking spudhead." Joked Clyde.

"Silence, half form. You will all follow us now or face your timely death."

The Sontarans led them down a long corridor and into a door at the other end.

"You will stay locked up in here while we finalize the tour dates. I reckon the 02 arena is going to be a sell out. Then, once the tour is finalized, we shall wipe the Earth of your vermin. Say goodbye to your lives."


	4. Chapter 4: Near-marriage of a Sontaran

"Please tell me you have your Sonic Screwdriver." Said Clyde.

"Nope. And that just makes the escaping part even more fun." Replied the Doctor, looking around desperately for a way out.

"Great. No Sonic Screwdriver. What are we going to do now?"

"Oh, come on, Clyde. Use your imagination. Not everything revolves around my sonic screwdriver. Well, apart from when I landed on a planet where it was illegal not to use a sonic device. We just need to find something to use as a lockpick. That's all."

And so they searched for hours, looking frantically in their pocket and around the room. But there was no sign of anything that could even be remotely useful.

"Okay. No lockpick. Looks like we could be trapped here for some time." The Doctor said after a while.

"Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out, bright spark." Snapped Clyde.

"Shut up, Clyde. The Doctor's trying his best to help, remember?"

"I just wish I'd gone to a driving school before I drove the car from university and back. Then the Doctor wouldn't be trapped here with us. It's my fault you're trapped here too, Doctor."

"I thought you were cleverer than to think that, Luke. I'm going to tell you something your mum would say if she was with us now. There are millions of species out there and they don't all exist just because of one person's actions. They exist because the universe allows them to. It's not your fault I'm trapped with you, Luke. It's the universe that brought us right here, right now. Even if you had driven to find your mum, I would've still been trapped here. Because the universe decides. And the universe has decided this must happen."

Then, as if by pure coincidence, the 11th Doctor walked around the corner, beaming and holding up a strange device. The device had weird, claw like grips surrounding a green light. The handle was a mixture of bronze and white. For some reason, it felt familiar to Clyde and Rani. Almost as if they'd seen it before.

"And the universe has decided I should be here, too." Said the 11th Doctor, pointing his Sonic Screwdriver at the door.

The tip whirred and Clyde and Rani realized at once it was a sonic screwdriver. That was when they heard the sound of stomping footsteps coming their way. The Sontarans were coming.

Glancing nervously behind, the 11th Doctor said "Erm, I think we better run."

* * *

Sarah sighed. The Sontarans had left her to do all the work. They'd been gone for ages now and she was beginning to wonder what they were up to. Tired of sorting out the tour dates, Sarah decided enough was enough. It was time to investigate.

* * *

Sarah walked out into the corridor and watched in horror as she saw two Doctors, Clyde, Luke and Rani run past in a hurry, with Laxx and Draxx chasing after them, firing their weapons randomly around the corridor.

"I demand to know why you're chasing my son and his friends if you don't mind." Shouted Sarah angrily. "I thought I could trust you."

"We're taking part in an important part of target practise you humans know as tag." Draxx lied.

"Don't listen to him, Sarah! They locked us in a room with the Doctor. Well, his previous incarnation, anyway." Rani called back.

"We were just playing a Sontaran version of hide and seek. I'm afraid these half forms and your timelord friend took it seriously."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's alright, then. Just, no more shooting at them. Okay?"

"We shall obey your commands, Sarah Jane Smith."

"Good. Now I want to know what you're all doing here. That includes you two too, Doctors. In here."

Sarah Jane led them through a door.

* * *

They were in the recording studio. The Bannerman road gang and the Doctors had told her everything, from arriving in the TARDIS and being locked up, to the 11th Doctor turning up and rescuing them. When they had finished their story, Sarah Jane had started to feel suspicious about the Sontarans.

"What I don't understand is, if they're just wanting to succeed in the charts, then why did they bother locking you up? Even if they were playing their version of hide and seek."

"Ah, that's my Sarah! Always with the questions."

"Well, what do you expect, Doctor? She's a journalist. I think that's enough talking for now. Mind you, I can hardly talk. The last time I was shy was probably when the shyinetes on the planet of the shy in the constellation of shy converted me into a shyinete. I was unable to speak for days. Absolute torture. Anyway, allons-y!"

* * *

Outside the recording studio, a middle aged woman stood waiting, microphone ready in hand. A cameraman stood directly opposite her, the camera facing straight towards her face. Surrounding them were hundreds of female fans, ear piercing screams hanging around like a disease.

"We're here waiting outside Stinginton Studios. It is expected one of the band members of 'Sarah Jane and the Sontarans' will come out and officially confirm the long-rumoured 2014 tour. Here comes Draxx now."

The news reporter walked towards Draxx, but Draxx shoved her aside.

"Pathetic screaming half forms. Anybody would think you're scared of such a fine warrior species as me."

One nervous fan stepped forward and asked "M-mr Draxx. W-w-ill you m-arry me?"

"Do you really think I'd say yes, foolish human? I'm from a hugely powerful race of warrior clones. I do not have time for saying silly wedding vows to a far inferior species."

"But, I-I love you."

"No, like every other fan of a band on this planet, you've allowed yourself to be severely brainwashed by another being's music. Your condition is beyond critical. Your brain is weaker than an Adipose's."

Without realizing Sarah Jane was watching with her friends and her son, Draxx lifted up his weapon and aimed it at the fan. He pulled the trigger. The silent air that had now surrounded the area was invaded by a huge scream. But not a scream of excitement. A scream of fear. She fell. The fan was dead.


	5. Chapter 5: Sontaran Fortunes

Sarah Jane walked out confidently towards Draxx, who turned round in surprise.

"Do you realize what you've just done? You've just killed an innocent girl, Draxx. That makes you as bad as any Sontaran." Sarah Jane shouted.

"The target practise went drastically wrong." Draxx lied.

"Oh, and don't give me that nonsense. Do you really think I'd believe you? I saw what happened, Draxx. And so did my friends."

Clyde, Luke, Rani and the Doctors stepped out and joined Sarah Jane.

"Don't think we're going to perform together anymore. We're splitting up. You can say goodbye to our career as a band."

The news reporter watched in awe.

"And so that's it. Sarah Jane and the Sontarans have split up after only a few months. Elizabeth Barron, BBC News."

* * *

Sarah Jane and the gang followed Draxx as he walked inside angrily. They hid behind a wall. When the door to the room Draxx had entered closed, they sneaked round and pressed their ears to the door, listening carefully to what the Sontarans (Laxx seemed to be in there too) said.

"Our plan has failed. Not only is that half form Luke no longer alone, but Sarah Jane is no longer distracted. What shall we do next?"

"We must prepare for when Luke is next alone, then send the Sontaran army after them. We shall still continue with our plan to kidnap Luke and use him to win our war against the Rutans."

"So that's what they're after." All but Sarah Jane muttered at the same time.

"Alright, I've got a plan. Luke, you stay with me. That way, the Sontarans don't stand a chance of getting you. Clyde, Rani, you stay with us. We're going to appear on a certain gameshow. As for you, Doctors. You try to thwart whatever the Sontarans try to do backstage."

"Backstage? Oh, no no no no no. You're not thinking of playing against the Sontarans, are you? You can't, Sarah. It's too dangerous."

"He's right. I mean, I'm right. I mean, my previous incarnation is right. Why is meeting myself so complicated?"

"Oh, come on, Doctor. We should be used to it by now. I mean, I should be used to it. I mean, our current incarnations should be used to it. Well, I say current, but that could also mean our first incarnation. I mean, that's current for him, isn't it? Well, me in the past. Well,-"

"Doctor, we're wasting time. We need to book our appearance now. And before it's too late."

* * *

Vernon had never seen such an odd looking family. Yet here they were. A bunch of talking potatoes. That mysterious man(John Smith, he called himself) told him backstage they were aliens. He seemed to think he was an idiot. Then again, he did spend one episode of Family Fortunes dancing with Louis Spence. He watched as the cameramen prepared themselves to film probably the strangest episode of Family Fortunes yet.

"3….2…1 and action."

"Hello, and welcome to Family Fortunes! We surveyed 1000 people and asked 'Name something you do when it snows while you're out'. The vast majority of people said 'Panic, then get the sledge out.'"

Vernon Kay laughed at his own joke as the audience chuckled back.

"Now, let me introduce you to our first family. She was one half of Sarah Jane and the Sontarans, until the band split last month. She's a journalist and boy, does she know how to get information from you. Yes, it can only be the Smith family!"

The familiar Family Fortunes music played as the wall bearing the logo slid open and Sarah Jane Smith and the Bannerman road gang made their way to the table.

Vernon thought it was a rather unusual VT the Smith family had prepared. Most of them weren't even part of the same family. Their VT consisted of the dark haired boy whom Vernon later found out was called Clyde introducing them to Sarah's house.

"13 Bannerman road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives and its home to things way beyond your imagination. There's an extraterrestial supercomputer in the wall. Her son, a genetically engineered boy genius. A girl from the other side of the pond. A young investigator from across the road. And a whole universe of adventure. Right here on the doorstep."

"Ready?"

"Always."

"Well, I've got to say, that's the strangest VT I've ever seen. Can you introduce to me your family, Sarah?"

"Certainly, Vernon. I'm Sarah, Luke's mother."

"Nice to meet you, Sarah."

"Nice to meet you, Vernon."

"This is Luke, my adopted son."

"Nice to meet you, Luke."

"Nice to meet you Vernon."

"This is Clyde, one of my friends from across the road."

"Nice to meet you, Clyde."

"Nice to meet you, Vernon."

"This is Rani, my other friend from across the road."

"Nice to meet you, Rani."

"Nice to meet you, Vernon."

"And this is Maria, my friend from America."

"Nice to meet you, Maria."

"Nice to meet you, Vernon."

"Now, we've met out first family, despite the majority of them being friends, but what about our second family? They were the second half of Sarah Jane and the Sontarans. They've had massive chart success with "Fight me maybe" and they look like a bunch of potatoes. Yes, you guessed right. It's the Sontaran family."

The Sontaran's VT was short. It only featured one Sontaran shooting the camera.

The Sontarans walked towards their table at the opposite end of the set, brandishing their weapons and wearing the usual purple Armour.

"Now, Draxx, it's interesting that you all look virtually the same. Can you introduce me to your family?"

"Certainly. I'm Draxx, the greatest warrior clone of Sontar."

"Nice to meet you, Draxx."

"Nice to meet you in battle, Vernon."

"This is my clone, Laxx."

"Nice to meet you, Laxx."

"Nice to meet you in battle, Vernon."

"This is my other clone, Dralaxx."

"Nice to meet you, Dralaxx."

"Nice to meet you in battle,Vernon."

"This is my other other clone, Dralaxxaxx."

"Nice to meet you, Dralaxxaxx."

"Nice to meet you in battle, Vernon."

"And this is my far inferior other other other clone, simply called Sarx."

"Nice to meet you, Sarx."

"Nice to meet you on a show so well known across the universe, Vernon. I'm such a big fan of your show. I shall treasure each moment on here forever. I apolagise if my overreacting causes a heart attack."

"See what I mean? Inferior."

"So, we've met our families, but who will come out on top and who will fall in, as the Sontarans put it,battle? Let's find out as we play Single Money!"


	6. Chapter 6: The Attic invasion

"Alright. Sarah Jane, Draxx, come and join me as we play Family Fortunes. This is the single money round. One hand on the buzzer, one hand behind your back. Name a famous journalist."

Draxx was the first to buzz in.

"Ruby White."

"Ruby White? RUBY WHITE? Well, I suppose there have been stranger answers. Our survey says…."

Much to Sarah Jane's annoyance, Ruby White was revealed to be the top answer.

Taking offense at her old rival being the top answer, Sarah Jane screamed 'How dare you. Do you know what Ruby White did? I hate her. She's no journalist. She's nothing short of twisted."

Two security guards, both appearing quite bulky and tough, approached Sarah Jane and dragged her away, as she tried to brandish her sonic lipstick at Draxx.

* * *

Sarah Jane watched the news miserably, surrounded by her friends comforting her, as the news reporter in the background described her as a 'disgraced journalist' and rambled on about how she 'stormed off' and 'threatened a contestant'. She felt sick. Various news reports were describing her as some kind of arrogant, cocky journalist and she knew for a fact nobody would trust her again. She was public enemy number one.

"What am I going to do?" Sarah asked. "I'll probably lose my job as a journalist, I'll have to sell my home, the car, everything. I'll have to resort to appearing on reality shows and believe me; I really don't want to eat a bug."

"Why not? Bugs taste cool. They have a nice, kind of….zany taste. There's even a fast food restaurant on the planet Bugania where the Bugonians spend all day eating bugs and discussing the week's soaps."

"Why does that sound strangely comforting?" asked Clyde.

"Oh, bugs can be the most comforting creatures at times, Clyde. I was hugged by a massive bug once. Well, it wasn't a bug because it was later revealed to be a Tritivore using a perception filter. Although, they are bug-like so why they needed to use a perception filter in the first place is anybody's guess. I suppose they may have a fascination with bugs like the people of Gordiana, but-"

"Doctor. You're rambling." Sarah said, giving a weak smile behind her tears.

"Whatever happens, we need to stop the Sontarans before they kidnap Luke." Rani said.

"Rani, you're right. Clyde, you stay here with Mr Smith. Me, Rani, Luke and the Doctors have some distracting to do."

"Why do you get the fun part?" moaned Clyde.

"Because, Clyde, I need someone to keep an eye on the attic in case the Sontarans find their way in. If they do, give Mr Smith the command to teleport them back to Sontar."

* * *

Vernon watched as Draxx ordered the Sontarans to track down the Smith 'family'. They used odd words such as 'half forms' and 'Sontar'. Vernon had no clue what they meant, although he guessed it was something not nice. This was certainly an eventful day of Family Fortunes filming. Just when he thought the day couldn't get any more eventful, Sarah Jane, the two Mr Smiths, Luke, Rani and Maria stormed in.

"Vernon, I need you to tell me if you've any idea where Draxx had gone."

"Sarah, do you really think it's wise to come back here when you tried to attack a potato thing with lipstick?"

"This is urgent, Vernon. I need you to tell me where Draxx has gone. My son is at stake. I can't lose him."

"What's he going to do to your son? Food poison him?

"Draxx is actually from a warrior race of aliens from the planet Sontar. They wage war on worlds, Vernon. Fully fledged wars. Now, if you don't tell me where Draxx has gone, my son will be kidnapped and forced to help them wipe the Rutans out of existence."

"Well, he said something about Bannerman road..."

"Clyde. We've left Clyde in danger!"

Sarah Jane rushed out, the rest of the Bannerman road gang and the two Doctors following behind.

* * *

Clyde thought he had the boring option. Only now did he realize he was wrong. The Sontarans bursted into the attic, followed by Draxx.

"Stand aside, half form. Where's Sarah Jane Smith?"

"She left. She's run out of potatoes. She didn't expect them to come back, equipped with weapons."

"Enough of the joking. Tell us where Sarah Jane Smith is."

"Mr Smith. Teleport them away!"

"With pleasure, Clyde."

A beam of light appeared over the Sontarans just as Sarah Jane came in and ran towards Clyde. Sarah found herself accidentally running into the light and Sarah Jane and the Sontarans disappeared as Luke and the others watched in disbelief.

"MUM!"

"It appears that I have accidentally teleported Sarah Jane to the planet Sontar, along with members of the Sontaran clone race. Sarah Jane could be in serious trouble."


	7. Chapter 7: A trip to Sontar

Sarah and the Sontarans landed on short, white grass as the light around them began to fade away. The planet was covered with ruins. Fallen, silver, octagonal buildings that looked like they were once large, impressive places but were now reduced to nothing more than ruins. Metallic, silver barricades surrounded the area near them, as well as crashed, unearthly green oval spaceships that Sarah presumed belonged to some Rutan invaders.

"You will follow us, Sarah Jane Smith."

Sarah reluctantly followed the Sontarans towards a patch of white grass that looked oddly out of place. One of the Sontarans bent down and lifted up a hatch, under which laid a small metallic bunker. A Sontaran sat on a small throne looked up as they entered.

"Sarah Jane is no longer useful to us, emperor Marxx. How shall we dispose of her?"

"Like every Sontaran does as a war instinct. Kill her. Then continue to work towards the job at hand. We must kidnap her son."

"You will never go anywhere near my son! I won't let you."

"Shut up, human. That half form is vital if we're to survive our on-going war against the Rutans."

"He's just a boy. He shouldn't be dragged into your war. He isn't a soldier."

"A half form with intelligence beyond any other life form."

"Intelligence that can be used for more important things. Only you Sontarans will never understand that."

"Nothing is more important than war."

"Well, sorry I disagree with you."

Sarah opened the hatch, climbed out and ran across the white grass.

"AFTER HER!" emperor Marxx commanded to the Sontarans, who began to pile out and chase after her.

"Oh, Doctors. Where are you?" Sarah asked desperately.

* * *

The Doctors, Luke, Clyde, Rani and Maria gathered around the 11th Doctor's TARDIS console, as the 11th Doctor desperately ran around operating it.

"You've redecorated."

"Let me guess, you don't like it? I always say that. It's become…a habit of mine."

"No, I do like it actually. Very Gallifreyan."

"Okay, that's different. Not every day your previous self agrees with your recent TARDIS desktop theme."

"Why does it look like it's from an old 1980s TV movie, though?" asked Clyde. "I mean, not that I don't like it…."

"What's wrong with 1980s TV movies?" said the 11th Doctor, frowning. "1980s TV movies are cool."

"Doctor, while you've been gassing away with my good friend Clyde, the TARDIS has just landed. As much as I like to see a future incarnation of mine having his desktop theme mocked by a kid, I think we better go and find Sarah before she's in any more danger. Sontar is known among the cosmos to be very dangerous during this time period."

"Good point, Doctor. Everybody, out. No time for tweeting on your phone, Clyde. Sarah's in very big danger. Very very big danger. Very very very bi-"

"Yeah. I think I've got the point now, Doctor."

The six of them exited the TARDIS to find a long, vast area of silver grass ahead. No sign of Sarah.

"Ah, this could take a while." Quipped the 11th Doctor, observing the planet around him.

* * *

Sarah looked around frantically. No sign of a blue box anywhere. Although she could swear she heard the materialization sound. The Sontarans were now firing their weapons at her and she was having a hard job diving out of the way every second. She ran and ran, until she noticed a spaceship that looked familiar to the one she noticed before. Sarah ran up to it and the door to the ship opened up before her. She curiously entered slowly. In front of her was a cockpit and sat on a chair in front of some plane-like controls was a green octopus creature swarming with electricity. A Rutan.

"You are a friend of the Sontarans." It said menacingly. "I have heard about your Sontaran band, Sarah Jane Smith. Therefore you must understand I cannot let you go. You are my prisoner and you will follow my every command or die."


	8. Chapter 8: The parting of life

It was for hours that the Doctors and the Bannerman road gang spent looking for Sarah Jane. They were just exploring near a Rutan ship when they heard Sarah Jane's voice.

"Help! Somebody, help me." They heard her scream desperately.

Her voice was coming from the Rutan ship nearby.

The Doctors and the Bannerman road gang entered and found Sarah Jane tied behind a seat, on which was sat a Rutan.

"Make one move and you die." The Rutan threatened.

"No. Make one move and _you _die." Said the 11th Doctor in reply.

"What? No no no no no no no. You can't, Doctor."

"Oh, I can. And that makes you scared, doesn't it, you great big blob of green…stuff?'

'You're bluffing."

"Oh well. It was worth a try. Time for plan B."  
"And what's plan B? You better have one. I could die at the hands of a …blob. It's probably already threatened to kill Sarah Jane. What if it kills us?" asked Maria.

"Don't worry, Maria. The Doctor will think of something. He always does." Sarah reassured her, although there was a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

"Who needs a plan B, anyway, when you have an intelligence greater than Einstein? Well, I say Einstein, but I actually mean the Corsair. Top of the class at Timelord academy. Well, he wouldn't have been if he hadn't bribed the teachers. Thinking of bribes, if you let Sarah go, what if I gave you this in exchange?"

The 10th Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver and showed it to the Rutan.

"Very multi-purpose. You could, say, destroy the entire Sontaran fleet with it."

"Then it is a deal."

"Well, we'll be off, then. Allons-y."

The 10th Doctor bent down to untie Sarah. Once untied, they quickly left the Rutan ship without looking back.

* * *

They ran and ran against the Sontar plains, heading in the direction of a particular blue box. It felt like hours of running. After a couple of hours of running, they eventually caught sight of the box stood now only a few minutes away. Soon they found themselves back inside the TARDIS, its interior welcoming them like an old friend to safety.

""You've changed the desktop theme again, haven't you?' asked Sarah, looking around curiously.

"Yep. The previous interior was too much of a reminder of the past. I lost the Ponds to the Weeping Angels, Sarah. I tried to protect them, keep them by my side, prevent danger getting through to them, and I failed."

"But you didn't fail. You never failed, Doctor. Somewhere out there, they will be living their lives, whether dead or alive. They'll always be alive to you, just like we are all always alive for you. Even when we're dead, we will always be there."

"Rose will never be there for me again."

"Oh, don't start up with all that Rose nonsense, Doctor. Blimey. And I thought I was bad with mourning the Ponds!"

Both the Doctors spun around from the controls. The familiar grinding noise started and the TARDIS left Sontar. But something wasn't quite right.

"Where's Luke?" asked the 11th Doctor alarmingly.

Sarah looked around her. Luke was nowhere to be seen.

"We must have left him behind on Sontar."

* * *

Two Sontarans dragged Luke roughly by his arms to Emperor Marx, who was sat upon his small throne.

"We have the boy, emperor Marx." Said one of the Sontarans simply.

"Good. Take him to the lab. We must extract his intelligence immediately."

* * *

Inside the lab, various apparatuses stood on silver, metallic tables, holding various test tubes full of strange looking chemicals. Sat towards the end of the room was a massive machine that looked like a strange mix of a purple fridge and a safe. Connected to the machine was a helmet, underneath which a purple chair stood underneath. The Sontarans dragged Luke towards the chair and shoved him onto it, pulling the helmet down over his head. The machine jerked into life as the Sontarans jeered excitedly.

"Soon we will have the intelligence of that harm form to use against those inferior green blobs. Put the machine on full blast so victory can be ours sooner."

The other Sontaran obeyed and twisted a dial on the machine.

"I can almost smell the victory now. The Rutans don't stand a chance. Sontar-Ha!"

As the machine continued to extract the intelligence, Luke's eyes closed slowly, almost as if every last grain of life was disappearing from within.


End file.
